Friday, December 29, 2006

On the fifth day of Christmas...

...my iPod played for me
Fifteen ran-dom soonnnngs!
  1. "The Number of the Beast" - Iron Maiden
  2. "Day Tripper" - The Beatles
  3. "Friction (Alternate Version)" - Television
  4. "Peggy's Blue Skylight" - Charles Mingus
  5. "Storm Coming" - Gnarls Barkley
  6. "This Is a Call" - Foo Fighters
  7. "Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles
  8. "Divine Intervention" - Matthew Sweet
  9. "A Day In The Life" - The Beatles
  10. "Sweet Hitch-Hiker" - Creedence Clearwater Revival
  11. "Box Full of Letters" - Wilco
  12. "Flight of Icarus" - Iron Maiden
  13. "Jesus, Etc." - Wilco
  14. "Poor Places" - Wilco
  15. "Rosetta Stoned" - Tool
You know what? I'm not 100% sure my iPod understands what random means. I mean, three songs by The Beatles, three songs by Wilco (two off the same damn album! in a row!) and the obligatory Tool song toward the end. Oh well, I'm not complaining; hell, anybody who owns an iPod should think of the less fortunate and not complain about a whole bunch of stuff.

Anyway, you see this guy?



Oy, is that guy tired!

Seriously, though, I've pulled in a good bit of overtime in the past two weeks, so I'm beat. Luckily it looks as if the worst of the holiday frenzy has subsided, so I'll be getting back to normal here in the new year. Just in time for me to kick the teacher job search into overdrive. Plus, I decided to take my vacation (which just became available to me again) the week of January 21. Shy of a miracle, I will not be travelling this time. Instead, I will be taking the time to be free for interviews and so that I can use it before I get bumped down to part-time.

What's that, you say? Part-time?

Yeah...I'm planning on keeping my crappy retail job for a bit once I start teaching. Maybe work Sunday and a random weeknight. Why? Because...well, I could use the extra money. Plus, if I don't quit the job, I won't have to get re-hired come summertime.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Beef!

It's what's for (Christmas) dinner!



Jaysus! I'll ne'er trust the horn of a bull, nor the hoof of a horse, nor the smile of a Saxon. But, b'god! You turn the last one loose on the first one, and ye'll get yourself one godawmighty beautiful slice of beef!

Seriously, though, my London Broil turned out wonderfully: delicious and charred and just shy of moo-ing on the inside. That photo up there is half of it. What happened to the other half? Well, I ate it and, briefly, I believed in a good and generous god.

I couldn't've asked for a better day!

The Festival of Intermittent Lights

Hmmm...this weather situation is getting weirder. We're under a tornado warning, meaning, of course, that there's an honest-to-god tornado out there someplace. And, of course, whenever there is heavy rain in Florida, power outages are sure to follow. I've been trying to time my activities around them, but it's not easy.

Anyway, I almost completely forgot that I snapped a photo of my awesome Christmas Eve activities:



Yeah, I know, the picture quality sucks, but that is actually Jack Skellington in The Nightmare Before Christmas on my TV. Surrounding the TV are the cards I have received from various friends and family-members. If you sent me a card, thank you!

"I wish you a hopeful Christmas"

"They said there'll be snow at Christmas
"They said there'll be peace on earth
"But instead it just kept on raining
"A veil of tears for the virgin birth."

—Greg Lake, "I Believe In Father Christmas"

Sad news this Christmas morning.

Since I lived in Aiken, South Carolina, for 10 years, James Brown was not only a world famous soul music legend, but also a wacky, drug- and ego-fueled local maniac of legendary status. If you can believe it (and you have no call to—I sometimes doubt it, myself) my ex-wife's father, an Aiken County Sheriff's Deputy back in the day, arrested James Brown on at least one occasion.

Well, whatever. He was a drug-fiend and a wife-beater and the single claim-to-fame for rural sheriff's deputies in numerous counties across Georgia and South Carolina. More importantly, though, he transformed the world of music. Requiescat In Pace, James Brown. You've certainly earned it.

Meanwhile, here in Florida it quite literally "just keeps on raining." The most colorful things I've seen all day are the weather maps on TV: all festive red, orange and yellow. It's a beautiful day to stay home, relax and enjoy the sound of rain. That's precisely what I'm doing. My holiday plans are continuing apace and I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I hope that all of you can say the same!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Navidad en soledad

So, what with me working retail and being required to be in the store on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, and with my brother, his wife and son spending the holidays in Puerto Rico, I am looking at my first, truly solitary Christmas ever. Now, this is not a plea for sympathy: I work retail, folks, and by the time Christmas actually rolls around I'll be so sick of people that, honestly, I'm looking forward to celebrating solitude on Christmas. After all, I have my cell phone and have warned all my friends that they can expect calls from me. On top of that, I have plans, my friends, wonderful plans!

Now, one of the things I've always loved about the holidays is the food. Of course, being a bachelor (and essentially lazy, to boot) I don't really cook for myself very often. Oh, sure, I'll do my "Trailer Trash Soul Food" (Shake 'n' Bake chicken legs, canned Glory greens and boxed macaroni & cheese) or "Aide D'Hamburger du Jour", but stuff that requires slicing and marinating and chopping and tasting and, in general, anything more complex than "stirring occasionally"? Nope. No time. No inclination. Not enough mouths to feed. Too much effort.

Well, not this Christmas! I am feasting, feasting, feasting this year, spending every moment eating, drinking and being merry. And yup, that includes breakfast, which is rarely more complicated than a granola bar and coffee. I am also watching lots of movies and relaxing.

So, in keeping with the feast spirit of my upcoming holiday, here's what I have on the menu:
CHRISTMAS EVE:
Christmas Eve has, traditionally, never been a very big deal. Usually we watched old-school Christmas specials and ate fast food or whatever. So, in keeping with that tradition:
  • Entrée: Microwavable White Castle Cheeseburgers;
  • Potato Dish: Tater Tots;
  • Vegetable Dish: Er...well, maybe I'll put some onions & pickles on the cheeseburgers;
  • Beverage: Pabst Blue Ribbon beer;
  • Entertainment: The Nightmare Before Christmas; "Futurama", Volume Two, Disc Four; whatever old-school Christmas specials are on the tube.
CHRISTMAS DAY:
Breakfast
  • Entrée: Maple Walnut Danish;
  • Vegetable Dish: Grapefruit;
  • Beverage: Foglifter coffee, brewed strong—about a pot or so;
  • Entertainment: Various Christmas music; phone calls to family; maybe whatever Christmas parades are on the tube.
Lunch
Lunch will be something of a rolling affair, snacky in nature and meant to be consumed at my leisure.
  • Entrée: Beef summer sausage & sharp cheddar cheese, served on Triscuits;
  • Vegetable Dish: Crudités of broccoli, baby carrots and cauliflower served with blue cheese dip;
  • Beverage: Either hard cider or Guinness: I'm still weighing my options/finances;
  • Entertainment: Purple Rain; What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?; Slacker; Rushmore.
Dinner
  • Entrée: London Broil;
  • Potato Dish: Garlic mashed potatoes;
  • Vegetable Dish: Broccoli with white cheddar sauce;
  • Beverage: Yellow Tail Shiraz, 2005
  • Dessert: New York style cheesecake (!);
  • Entertainment: Phone calls to friends; any of the above-listed movies I haven't gotten around to; possibly the football game.
With the exception of the hard cider (or Guinness), the cheeseburgers and the tater tots, I went out and bought all the food today. I'll do the rest of my shopping tomorrow night. So, essentially I'm all set.

Sounds like a good day, eh? I'm looking forward to it. My Christmas is going to be the model of peace and, if not harmony, at least melody. And I can't ask for anything more than that.

I just need to get through these last couple shopping days. Wish me luck!

Holy crap...

...it's Friday.
  1. "Judy Is A Punk" - The Ramones
  2. "Run, Run, Run To Bethleham" - Dave Brubeck
  3. "Under Pressure" - Queen & David Bowie
  4. "Octopus's Garden" - The Beatles
  5. "Ghetto Soundwave" - Fishbone
  6. "Flash of the Blade" - Iron Maiden
  7. "Paganini: Allegro Vivace A Movimento Perpetuo In C, Op. 11, MS 72 (Bluegrass Version)" - Béla Fleck
  8. "Nowhere Man" - The Beatles
  9. "I Don't Care" - The Ramones
  10. "Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys
  11. "Because" - The Beatles
  12. "Mister Superstar" - Marilyn Manson
  13. "Without Fear" - Lacuna Coil
  14. "Don't Come Close" - The Ramones
  15. "Mean Mr. Mustard" - The Beatles
And the award for "Longest Fucking Song Title Appearing in a Friday iPod Shuffle Ever" goes to Béla Fleck! Congratulations, Mr. Fleck! Reading your Deutsche Grammophon-style title as it scrolled by in my iPod's tiny window made my eyes cross with the dreaded Squinting Motion Sickness!

Also, I really need to thin-out the number of songs by The Ramones and The Beatles on this thing. This list looks like I've got a mostly-dead mop-topped four-piece pop band fetish!

That's not necessarily a bad thing, but....

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Extremes are neat



Happy Winter Solstice from Great Cthulhu and me!

Story-writing contest?

I'm thinking this might be a fun thing to do. Some of these ideas, though:
* Story of a man trying to live down his crazy past and encountering it everywhere.

* A tree, finding water, pierces roof and solves a mystery.



* Marionettes during dinner party meeting and kissing.
I mean, a guy trying to escape his crazy past? Could that be any more general? And that bit about the tree, the roof and the mystery sounds like some weird Zen koan.

Anyway, who knows? Might be something fun to do in my copious free time.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

NERDVANA!

Oh, my god! Oh my god! Oh my god oh my godohmygodohmygod oh! My! God!

War Dogs Game Center

This place just relocated within walking distance of my apartment! A game store! I can, without driving, get back into tabletop gaming again! Hooray! Hooray! HooRAAAAAAAYYYYYY!

I was so excited, and grateful, that I actually bought something I shouldn't have. But, my grandfather sent me money for Christmas, and I'm pretty sure he'd want me to spend it on something I really want. Plus...I can run the damn thing and, maybe, have friends—and a social life!—again! Yay!

Wow…four thoughts just crossed my mind in rapid succession:
  1. I am a major fucking dork;
  2. Should I worry that, possibly, some of my future students might become part of my gaming group?
  3. I am seriously a major fucking dork;
  4. I honestly don't care!
I am everso happy right now!

Sounds like Beth...

...has had enough of this shit.

TO: PETER CRISS; FROM: BETH.

Some highlights:
You say you and the boys just can't find the sound. Here: loud guitars and lots of people bellowing in a not particularly melodious way. There. Done. There's your "sound." You ain't Bowie.…

"Oh, Beth, what can I do?" you ask.… You can do this, Peter: Say, "I'm sorry, boys, I've got plans for this evening. Beth's parents are coming over and I need to impress upon them that playing in a band is a legitimate career.… You see, Beth's parents don't really understand rock-and-roll and still can't quite follow why their son-in-law finds it necessary to dress up as a kitty cat in order to play the drums. And why, they wonder, does this supposedly scary heavy-metal band have someone dressed up as a kitty cat?… Was he unable to figure out a teddy-bear or gumdrop-unicorn makeup pattern?"

In other news, today is my one day off this week, so I'm out and about getting shopping done and cards mailed and picking up provisions for my Xmas feast. The rest of the week will be long and busy, so if you don't see me: Happy Holidays to you!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

A day late...

...but not a dollar short.

What with all the working, thinking, sleeping and soul-searching I was doing yesterday, I neglected to get my Friday iPod Shuffle done. Let us remedy that, no?
  1. "Weatherbox" - Mission of Burma
  2. "And Your Bird Can Sing" - The Beatles
  3. "Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite" - The Beatles
  4. "This Is Not A Photograph" - Mission of Burma
  5. "True Love Waits" - Radiohead
  6. "The Wolf Is Loose" - Mastodon
  7. "Store Bought Bones" - The Raconteurs
  8. "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" - Wilco
  9. "Yellow Sun" - The Raconteurs
  10. "Cretin Hop" - The Ramones
  11. "Insensatez" - Antonio Carlos Jobim
  12. "We Care A Lot" - Faith No More
  13. "I Wanna Live" - The Ramones
  14. "New Orleans Is Sinking" - The Tragically Hip
  15. "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" - The Ramones
Damn, I say godDAMN! That couldn't've rocked more if I'd picked 'em myself.

True, I'd not've picked those particular Ramones' songs, and not nearly so many of them. But, never forget it folks, and these are words to live by, randomness rules!

Changes

I've been writing all morning, trying to wrap my head around a bunch of things that I've been thinking about ever since I read this post by Ombra. It's been difficult, because I'm tending to over-write it. So I'm going to under-write it instead.
  • I have become an incredibly negative person.
  • I never wanted to be an incredibly negative person.
  • I don't believe that I actually am an incredibly negative person.
  • I am sick to death of being an incredibly negative person.
  • I have stopped being an incredibly negative person.
  • I am going to become a high-school English teacher.
Had my "district level interview" on Thursday and I'm now "certifiable" (y'all always knew that was true, didn't you?). The process, starting now, involves me finding schools with vacancies and interviewing with principals. If they like me, they hire me. If they hire me, I start teaching in January.

How does the "incredibly negative person" bit up there relate to being a teacher? Because incredibly negative people shouldn't be teachers. And look where being an incredibly negative person has gotten me: unhappy, alone, lonely, embittered, working as a salesman/shill for a money-hungry corporation. Fuck it.

Plus, I've never been cool enough to justify being so hyper-critical and discerning anyway.

Now, I need a favor from you folks: please, please, please tell me about good teachers. Advice on teaching, anecdotes about good teachers, websites with advice for teachers: anything at all that any of y'all out there can give me. I want to be a good teacher, and I need all the help I can get.

Thanks in advance. I appreciate it!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Cliff...

...hanger.

Big news. Great goings-on. Too tired. Headed for bed.

Stay tuned....

I have no idea...

...why I'm doing this, but Ombra has a quiz up on her site that I'm drawn to taking. I normally eschew these things, but I can't stop thinking about this one, so...

Pop Quiz
  1. List any nicknames you've been saddled with over the years: Jody, but only my family calls me that, so if you're not related to me, step off.
  2. You win the lottery. What are the first three things you spend the money on?
  3. What physical aspect of yourself do you like the best? Er...hair, I guess. Or eyes. Except, traditionally, I've used the one to hide the other, so...yeah: hair.
  4. List all intentional body modifications (excluding scars, etc.). I shave pretty frequently and keep my nails short. That's about it.
  5. You are stranded on a desert island. You have a solar powered laptop with you. What five cds and five dvds do you most want to have with you?
    DVDs: CDs:
  6. You either have to be shirtless or barefoot for the rest of your life. Which do you choose? As long as I can wear a jacket on occasion, I'll go shirtless.
  7. You and you alone have been granted the dubious honor of choosing the next president of the United States. Who are your top three contenders? Jesus, I miss Bill Hicks.
  8. One night on the town, your friends take you to a strip club. A stripper comes over to you, sits in your lap, wriggles around a bit, and asks if you'd like a lap dance. She says she likes the looks of you and offers this service free of charge. However, when she meets your eye, you realize you recognize her. You have no doubt that she is who you think she is--it's obviously her, minus some clothing. This is someone you see on a semi-regular basis, like she's the girl that cuts your hair or some similar relationship. However, she doesn't give any sign that she recognizes you. Do you mention it and call to her attention that you are acquaintances? Or do you keep your mouth shut? Most of all, do you accept the offer for the lap dance? Free lap dance? I keep my mouth shut and take it.
  9. You are asked to pose nude for a portrait by an artist whose work you truly admire. Do you? Sure. Especially if she's the stripper from question 8.
  10. You either have to begin killing all the animals you eat yourself, or become a vegetarian. Which do you choose? Pesco-vegetarian, all the way. I'm not a big fan of butchery and it seems a bit wasteful for me to kill a whole cow just for one burger.
There, now that I've got that out of my system, maybe I can move on to other things.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Options, or not

Well, if stuff doesn't pick up and I get so sick of retail that I'd rather, I don't know, die or something, there's always this.
Many of the older recruits are looking for a lifestyle change.
I'm pretty goddamned sure they get that, man.

I mean, honestly, how desperate is the Army that it's recruiting those of us in our early middle age? And how desperate am I that I'm thinking about the benefits of the G.I. Bill? I mean, I actually looked up the website....

Wait a minute, I hate guns. And violence. And inflexible, hierarchical organizations. And having to shoot people. And being shot.

Well, at least I can't be drafted. Thank goodness for that, I guess.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Methodical shuffling

Egyptian Conservationists Fight To Protect Dwindling Mummy Population
Just a few years ago, the hillsides from Luxor to Giza would have been buzzing with the familiar sounds of tomb doors creaking open and bones snapping under the methodical shuffling of a slow, catatonic gait. But the telltale signs of Egypt's indigenous mummy population have fallen silent recently, and the fearsome creatures that once lurched freely across the Valley of the Kings are disappearing at an alarming rate.
Did I lawl? I did lawl. And then I lawled some more.

Speaking of methodical shuffling, it's time for the Friday iPod Shuffle! Fifteen songs, randomly chosen! Which will suck? Which will rock? You don't know? Well, I don't know either! Let's find out...right now!
  1. "Let's Roll" - Neil Young
  2. "My Morning Song" - The Black Crowes
  3. "I'm Affected" - The Ramones
  4. "In A Silent Way" - Miles Davis
  5. "Oh, Had I A Golden Thread" - Pete Seeger
  6. "Haunting & Heartbreaking" - Angelo Badalamenti
  7. "Friction" - Television
  8. "I Put A Spell On You" - Marilyn Manson
  9. "We Are The Champions" - Queen
  10. "Seven Steps To Heaven" - Miles Davis
  11. "Love Needs A Heart" - Jackson Browne
  12. "Drive My Car" - The Beatles
  13. "I Just Want To Have Something To Do" - The Ramones
  14. "Colony of Birchmen" - Mastodon
  15. "Lateralus" - Tool
Egads! That got sort of heavy there at the end.

Well, that's about all the content I've got in me right now. I've got a semi-thoughty blogpost percolating, but I'm still running it through in my head. I've started a draft of it, but I'm not even ready to keep working on it, just yet. So, rest assured that I am in good health and good spirits. Yesterday I got paid, and paid well, for my services over the Thanksgiving weekend, so I have money and have upgraded my diet from ramen noodles and frozen dinners to honest-to-god food. Now I just need to get all my Xmas shopping done and I'll be able to skate through the rest of the year. Yay, me!

Oh, almost forgot: if you've not seen The Squid and the Whale, I urge you to do so. It's a wonderfully idiosyncratic drama and I loved it. I imagine y'all might as well.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Where is my mind?

I think I'm losing it.

Last Friday, December 1, I wrote out my rent check. My rent, including the utility charges for water and garbage and such, comes to $486 or so. I wrote the rent check for $286. Then I put it in an envelope, lightly sealed it and strolled down to the complex's office and turned it in. I was whistling a tune to myself while I did it.

I have no idea why I did that. I honestly thought I'd written if for the correct amount.

On Saturday, when I discovered my error (the office here uses a check scanner and keeps their account at the same bank I do, so my check posted fast) I freaked out. My thoughts spread out across a wide spectrum: at one end, the thought that, maybe, because I'd been renting here for 9 months, a $200 portion of my deposit had been refunded, so the people at the office had changed my check to reflect that; at the other end, the terror that I'd slipped over the line from "a little weird and eccentric" to "stupid and insane."

The latter case seems to be true. Yesterday I went down there and, after borrowing $100 from my brother to cover it, wrote a check for $280. The $80 increase covers my late fee which, obviously, I couldn't afford.

Just to top things off, on Sunday I returned a DVD case to the library. No DVD in it, just the case.

The truth is, I have been distracted lately. Thursday night I came home and, for no discernable reason, got fascinated with the relationship between square-roots and irrational numbers, drifting off to sleep with the countable (yet infinite) set of all rational square-roots and the uncountable (yet also infinite) set of all irrational square-roots spinning around my head. Friday night I dropped off casting the long-rumored Watchmen movie in my head. I'd settled on J.K. Simmons as The Comedian and, in the role of his life, Steve Buscemi as Rorshach and was casting a tentative vote for Tim Robbins as Dan Dreiberg/Nite Owl when I finally lost consciousness. And yesterday, after all the running around taking care of my real-life stupidity, I revisited good ol' Phineas Gage before I trundled off to work.

Anyway, I don't know what's up with me. I feel like I'm just wandering around with all this stuff in my head that interests me, but I've got no-one with whom I can discuss it. That makes me sad, and lonely.

However, on the bright side, I could be wrong!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Oh, good lord...

...this is hilarious!

I know that most people actually watch TV regularly. And a good many of you actually check YouTube much more often than I do. So, I apologize if you've seen this already. But, Christ on a pogo stick, this is the funniest thing I've seen in an amazingly long time:



God! Did you see it? And the bit about the tie? And, come on, is Richard Simmons not the best sport in the world to ever appear on David Letterman's show ever?

The Friday shuffle

Clint does a neat thing on Fridays: he sets his iPod on "Shuffle" and blogs the first 15 songs that come up. Since I like doing neat things, I've decided to emulate him. So, without further ado:
  1. "Cops of the World" - Phil Ochs
  2. "It's Who You Know" - X
  3. "At Least That's What You Said" - Wilco
  4. "the Once Over Twice (Unissued Single Mix)" - X
  5. "Opera Singer" - Cake
  6. "Se me hizo facil (It Was Easy for Me, 1959)" - Kronos Quartet
  7. "Andvari" - Sigur Rós
  8. "The Dreydl Song" - Another Man Down
  9. "Christmas in Hollis" - Tentilfour
  10. "What Child Is This" - Vince Guraldi
  11. "The Pot" - Tool
  12. "Atoms for Peace" - Thom Yorke
  13. "Bracero" - Phil Ochs
  14. "Let's Have A War" - A Perfect Circle
  15. "Triad" - Tool
In the interest of full disclosure, I only own a 2-gig iPod Nano. My standard operating procedure is to load it up with new music I'm sort of trying out. So a lot of that stuff I just listened to for the first time.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I'm not saying I'm funny...

...but when I am funny, this is the kind of funny I am:
the Wit
(61% dark, 23% spontaneous, 15% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

The 3-Variable Funny Test!

So...Yeah. I got that going for me!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

And then Brad Pitt says "Do you know you're insane?"

I will give $500 to anyone who names the movie quoted in that title.*

So, I was sitting around in the apartment tonight, and I had this sudden moment where I imagined someone asking me what I was doing at precisely that moment. I answered:
I'm sitting around in the dark, watching a copy of The Wall I downloaded off Limewire.
Jesus Christ! What am I? Fifteen years old?

I mean...shit! I'm not even on drugs!

* It's Se7en. And I'm totally lying about the $500 prize.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Come on, already!

So...I called MCG's HR department to get final word concerning this jobby thing. First, I talked to one person in "Employment" who put me through to another person in "Classification" (and what the hell does that mean?) who took my name and number and told me she'd call me once she'd talked to someone over in "Employment" about the position.

Normally, if I was getting this kind of runaround in a customer service situation, I'd've gotten very pissed. Since I want this job, I was unfailingly polite. But, Jeebus, Marv and Joanna, people! Let me off the damn hook one way or another, would you?

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Boredom

I got very bored at work yesterday and took a bunch of pictures with my phone. Most of them are details of various objects, although there are a few attempts at photographing images on high-definition TVs that turned out surprisingly well. They're all pretty much a waste of time. But I honestly had nothing better to do while I was taking them.

Friday, November 17, 2006

A living, some dreams and a death

Well, it's been two weeks since my interview at MCG and I've heard no word. In the interview itself, I was warned that it might take as long as two weeks for a decision; I'm assuming that decision has been made and that I can expect a politely-worded letter or email thanking me for my interview but informing me that a "more suitable" candidate has been accepted. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to follow up through the HR department just to force somebody to say that I didn't get the job. But it seems clear to me that this is a done deal.

And remember where I said in my last post that "I'm trying not to get too worked up about it"? Yeah, well, I did get worked up about it. The situation was so nice (a good job, with a good salary and excellent benefits, in an area I know well and where I have good friends and would still remain close to my family) that I just couldn't help but extrapolate on it. By the time last Monday rolled around I'd paid off my medical bills; was on top of all my student loan payments; was dating a pretty, divorced nursing student; and was putting in a bid for a small A-frame on a quiet Aiken cul-de-sac.

In reality, I was in such a frenzy of doubt that I emailed Kate to tell her that I didn't think I was getting the job. I also pretty much begged her to write me a return email reassuring me that I wasn't completely useless, which she kindly (and sincerely) did. That worked as a total mood reset and, by Monday night, I found myself drifting into my regularly scheduled fantasy. That, by the way, is the one where, somehow, I receive millions of dollars, move back to Milwaukee, buy the penthouse of the Blatz, convert one of the rooms into a "creative space" lined with Macs which allow me to scan and design and write and record music at will, then proceed to visit all my friends and family for a few weeks before taking off on a vacation to Australia, with a side-jaunt to Antarctica.

I'm not sure which fantasy is worse: the one so far removed from real life that there's no hope of it ever happening, or the one that's so close I can smell the pine trees from its back deck. Probably not best to dwell on it, honestly.

Tuesday and Wednesday were exceptionally weird days for me as well. On Tuesday I woke up with a fragment of dream so unusually clear in my mind that I couldn't stop thinking about it. In the dream there was a woman locked in a trunk. The trunk had a padded lid and was sarcophagus sized. She could breathe in the trunk, but she couldn't hear or see or smell or feel...total sensory deprivation. I had to find her and free her. My only companion in this task was a fanged mountain gorilla dressed as a priest. And I don't mean like Father Joe at the local Catholic school, either: this gorilla had the full, flowing, black cassock and a huge, dark-wood rosary in addition to his clerical collar. But he didn't walk around like a priest wearing a gorilla mask: he moved like a gorilla, in that hunched-over, knuckles-and-toes, loping-simian gait. And he was huge. And angry. And did I mention he had fangs?

Anyway, I found where the woman was being held and we managed to get the trunk open: the gorilla/priest busted the lock and shoved the padded lid off and on to the floor. Then, of course, I woke up before we could actually get the woman freed.

Now, look, I'm no fool: I don't put much stock in dreams and I know that a gorilla dressed like a priest is just a damn silly thing to dream about. But it's rare for me to remember my dreams at all. And the implications of a priest who is also a gorilla? Well, they're disturbing. Especially to think that it's running around in my head.

Then, on Wednesday afternoon, while I was catching up on all the blogs I hadn't read whilst wooing my imaginary nursing student, I found out that a guy I'd gone to college with had died.
DAVID LEE MCLAUGHLIN

Mr. David Lee McLaughlin, 37, of Aiken, died Tuesday, November 14, 2006.

A memorial service will be held at 2 p.m. Sunday in the Shellhouse Funeral Home Chapel, Hayne Ave. Reverend Phillip Lee will officiate. The family will receive friends following the service.
The Aiken Standard Online, Friday, November 17, 2006
Now, I'm not going to make this into something it isn't: Dave wasn't a friend of mine. We knew each other well enough to say "Hi," ask how things were going and exchange pleasantries if we both had enough time and weren't due to be someplace else. He slipped me a few free beers on occasion, and I always tipped him the full cost of the beer in gratitude. You know the kind of relationship: accquaintances, people who share friends in common but aren't friends themselves. We weren't close enough that I could write him an elegy (something Clint did very well) and I wasn't having to grapple with his death the way Ombra was, but it's darkened the rest of my week.

Mainly, I find myself thinking about the people I know who were close to Dave, people I haven't seen for at least 5 years. Because I haven't seen these folks in so long, they're strangely frozen in my memory. It's like they're all in a room somewhere—a party, a bar, a classroom—and the power's gone out. The room's gone dark and the word starts going around about a tornado warning. They're shocked, and freaked out, and there's really not much comfort available until the storm passes.

But there's something wondrous here, too, in the way that one man's life can affect so many. In reality, of course, all those people aren't in one room: they're all over the place, living their own lives, when the word of this horrible and violent accident gets to them. All of them pause and remember. Some take a longer moment to think about death in way, of necessity, we rarely can; as sudden and terrifying and inevitable and final. Some go to where the death occurred, flowing bright and fresh to this raw spot on the world. No one who knew him is unchanged.

I don't know. In the end, I think we all die alone. At least those we leave bereaved don't have to mourn us alone. Maybe there's some comfort for all of us there.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The rapture is near!

Don't forget your pets!

The Morning News | "The Kennel at the End of the World" by Federico Garduño



Been a busy couple of days here in John-land. Last Thursday I got a call from the Medical College of Georgia up in Augusta regarding a graphic designer position I'd applied for. "We're interviewing on November 2," says the voice on the phone. "Would you be interested in the position?"

"I'm fascinated with the position," I replied. "What time should I be there?"

"Well," says the voice, "we're only interviewing on the second, and you're the first person we've called, so we're pretty much open. When would be good for you?"

"Earlier," I replied, certain parts of my brain which deal with the reality of situations coming out of their stunned state. "As early as possible would be best for me."

"How's nine, then?"

"Nine is perfect! Just tell me where I need to be at 9 a.m. on the second and I'll be there!"

So the voice gives me a place to be, some cursory directions and wishes me a good day. I thanked him, breathlessly, and got the heck off the phone quick because, at that point, the part of my brain which deals with the reality of situations was screaming at me about several urgent difficulties with this particular situation:
  1. I already have a job, albeit one I hate, and I don't know if I'm scheduled to work on November 2;
  2. I have no money for a place to stay in Augusta;
  3. I have no money for gas to get there!
Despite these factors, I have agreed to be there and interview! Am I that desperate for a good job that I have completely ignored the reality of my situation and agreed to something which may be impossible? Am I mad?

The answer to the first question: an emphatic, shout-it-to-the-heavens-replete-with-all-the-emphasis-tags-I-can-bring-to-bear YES!

The answer to the second question remained to be seen. Fueled by my desperation I leaped into action!
  1. A quick check of my schedule revealed that, not only was I scheduled at 5 p.m. on November 2, I was also off on both October 31 and November 1. A quick request at my current job and I swapped shifts with my boss on October 30 so that I got off at 5 p.m.—I now had plenty of time to get to Augusta and back!
  2. A quick email to my friend Kate in Aiken (who threatened me with a beating if I didn't apply for the job in the first place) and I am welcome to stay in her and her husband Chris's home—I was now lodged, comfortably and amongst excellent company, within 30 miles of Augusta!
  3. A quick phone call to my Dad (who encouraged me to go after this job with claws out and teeth bared because MCG is one of the best employers in Augusta, if not all of Georgia itself) and he generously agreed to send me $100 for gas—I was now able to travel without bouncing my rent check!
So the answer to the question "Was I mad?" is emphatically answered: NO! To the contrary, I am loved!

Okay, that may be a bit melodramatic, I know. But I feel loved. Not because of the material value of the generosity shown to me, but for the generosity itself. Thank you Dad, Chris & Kate for making it possible for me to pursue a good job in a place where I'm comfortable, close to all my family and already have excellent friends. What you did for me means a lot. I appreciate it much more than I can make clear here.

How did the interview itself go? Well…it was awful. They laughed at me and told me to go back to retail, as I wasn't fit to be a graphic designer at Kinko's, much less at MCG….

Hah! Fooled you! The interview went splendidly. I feel very good about it and I think I've got an excellent chance of getting the job. I'm trying not to get too worked up about it, though. I've done all I can and it's out of my hands.

(However, if y'all want to keep your fingers crossed for me, I'd really appreciate it.)

No matter what, whether I get the job or not, I have to admit that I feel better about myself than I have in a long time. I'm going to take that positivity and do everything I can with it.

I'm grateful to everybody who's helped me to feel this way, too. Thank you all so much.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A little something moving

I've been reading Doonesbury since long before I could understand it.

In the '80s I was a devoted reader of Bloom County and The Far Side and, since Doonesbury was on the same page (and I've never met a full page I didn't read in its entirety), I read it as well. I had no idea what was going on, but I read it anyway. Even during the mid- to late-'80s, when I was living in Spain and my only source of print news/entertainment was the DoD's own Stars and Stripes, my favorite comics were there. So was Doonesbury, surprisingly enough—on the editorial page.

All claims of political ignorance aside (and I was vehemently apolitical in my youth, as befits a frightened, wannabe metalhead and avid AD&D-dork), the fact that Doonesbury was shifted to the editorial section of the paper wasn't lost on me. Now, before you start thinking that I was super-thoughtful or something, relax. The only reason I noticed is that Bloom County—not entirely apolitical itself, although still very silly—would be shunted to the editorial page on those occasions when Berke Breathed went out of his way to question or lampoon the Reagan administration's authority. I mean, recognizing similarities is something Sesame Street had been training me for since I learned to sing "One of these things / Is not like the other." If Bloom County got moved into Doonesbury's neighborhood because Milo was making fun of Ed Meese, then it stands to reason that Doonesbury must always be making fun of the government!

Even when one perceives one's smartest strategy as anti-intellectualism, one doesn't lose one's grasp on basic, simple syllogisms.

Anyway, I didn't really begin to understand Doonesbury until I went away to college. Actually, this understanding has its genesis before I went away to college, when I stole a bunch of books from a few of the boxes my dad stored in the basement. (Interesting aside: one of those books was Wallace Steven's Selected Poems [pub. 1952], in which both my father and I had scribbled marginalia. Of course my father's grad-student notes are much more interesting than my own, pre-preschool contribution [I think I still have that book, by the way, Dad; no, you can't have it back].) One of the books I kifed was called, I believe, simply Doonesbury, and collected the first couple of years of Trudeau's strips. During one of what I now think of as my "Barbecued Books in Beaver" weekends (I was attending school at PSU's branch campus in Beaver, Pa., had no money, no food, no cigarettes and no friends but was blessed with a bunch of barbecue sauce packets my grandmother'd saved from Arby's and had generously sent along to me in a care package…plus, of course, books) I read the entire thing, sandwiched between Catcher in the Rye and The Lord of the Rings.

And, I don't know…chalk it up to the hunger, or the nicotine withdrawal, or acid-flashbacks caused by burning my nearly-nonexistent body fat, or just plain loneliness, or an artful combination of all those factors, but my reading of the very first Doonesbury strips coupled with my imperfect memories of the poorly understood Doonesbury strips I'd been reading for years gelled in a very significant way. I came to a very basic understanding of my personality: I would never, ever be a Republican. And, if you know me or have at least scanned the other entries in this blog, you know that this is still true and that I'm pretty satisfied with that situation.

Anyway, as much as I might owe to Doonesbury, I knew nothing about the strip's creator himself, other than the well known trivia that he's related to one of the modern Prime Ministers of Canada. That ignorance is gone now, thanks to "Doonesbury's War", a profile by Gene Weingarten that appeared recently in The Washington Post's Magazine section. Hell, I didn't even know that he was married to Jane Pauley!

I urge you to read that link, even if you couldn't give a shit about comic strips or politics. I urge this on you because Garry Trudeau is to comic strips what Alan Moore or Neil Gaiman are to comic books, what The Rolling Stones or Bruce Springsteen are to rock 'n' roll… he's important, y'dig? He's changed the very fabric of his medium. Plus, he doesn't give a lot of interviews.

On top of that, there's this little, moving bit that happens toward the end, when his wife makes the connection between two things Garry himself won't say a word about—her own well-publicized bout with bi-polar disorder and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder themes explored in one of the current Doonesbury story arcs:
Pauley thinks the story of B.D. has been something special, the best work Trudeau has ever done. And then she says:

"I don't think he's consciously aware that it has anything to do with me."

With . . . her?

Pauley smiles. "Garry's mind is very compartmentalized. The department doing the strip in his brain is not directly connected to the husband part, but…it defies credulity that on some level it is not present in his work. What is he writing about, really? He's writing about mental illness, and how it's possible to find a way out of it, with help. It's very hopeful."

I start to say that Trudeau has never made that connection to me, in fact denies that his private life ever intrudes into the strip. But Pauley is ahead of me.

"He'll want to say no, but it's hard to argue with. Isn't it?"
Call it self-absorption if you wish, a partner trying to push her own sickness onto her husband. I can see that argument. I almost buy it.

But to me, it sounds like understanding. To me, it sounds like love.

But, then again, I've read the profile.

So should you.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Sure, he's saved the world...

...but when was the last time he published something?

BACK FROM YET ANOTHER GLOBETROTTING ADVENTURE, INDIANA JONES CHECKS HIS MAIL AND DISCOVERS THAT HIS BID FOR TENURE HAS BEEN DENIED

By the way, if you're not reading McSweeney's on occasion, you probably should. I hadn't checked in for at least a year. Now I've got a bunch of neat stuff to catch up on.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Oh, lord, this is funny!

Lust For Laughs - October 4, 2006

I know a little, wee bit about this kind of stuff, since I've played guitar in front of an audience, done a smidge of acting and know a few theater people. And, of course, I've read my share of ridiculous rockstar riders. I've never read anything like that document before, though.

I honestly feel a little bad for the techs setting up this stage. But I'm honestly laughing too hard to feel too bad!

Highlight? Well, one of them is right here:
We had a lighting designer once, but he went mad so we shot him. It was the kindest thing. Now he's a light of a different kind, one of God's little Gobos in Dimmer Heaven.
I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it's beautiful.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

No sympathy

Attorney says Foley was molested as teen - Yahoo! News

I would like to go on record, even though there is no record (and even if there was one my going on it wouldn't mean squat), as saying that this man deserves no sympathy. None. I will also go on this selfsame specious record and say that he should rot in prison under the same harsh laws that condemn drunken, molestation victims turned pedophiles that he helped author.

I mean, had he been thinking clearly, he could have realized that all of the above conditions are sicknesses which must be treated. I'm sure that, now that he's been caught, that will be his argument.

Tough, Mark. You wrote the law, now you'll have to lie in your prison bed because of it. The fact that you'll probably be lying face down being brutally sodomized by your cellmate only makes the irony that much sweeter.

Oh, wait! Favorite part?
The lawyer said Foley, who is now in treatment for alcohol abuse, never had any inappropriate sexual contact with a minor. "Any suggestion that Mark Foley is a pedophile is false," he said.
Well, if that's the case, then all those sickos rounded up by the cops courtesy of Dateline NBC better be freed, don't you think?

That is all.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Do you remember...

...when we had a president who, even when obviously caught off guard, flustered and angry, could eloquently trace out a reasonable argument, speaking in complete sentences and documenting his assertions the entire time?

Think Progress >> VIDEO: Clinton Sets The Record Straight On Terrorism, Smacks Down Fox News

Frequently, I'll point out my favorite part of these links. Honestly, I love the entire thing. But, there is a statement which made me chuckle ruefully - right at the beginning, Chris Wallace says
"There’s a new book out, I suspect you’ve already read, called The Looming Tower...."
Now, see that part I've emphasized up there? When was the last time someone could confidently state that they suspected George W. Bush had read a specific book? Hell, any book at at all?

Seriously, as a thought experiment, imagine what a stuttering mess George W. would've been if he'd been blindsided this way, invited to speak primarily on one, innocuous topic and asked why he failed to protect our country? Can't you see him: ears flapping, eyes bugging, his monosyllabic circumlocution taking the form of catch-phrases and assertions that are patently false but right on-message? Look at him! He's a chimp in a behavioral experiment, constantly grabbing the electro-shock banana and gazing at the two-way-mirror with confused, liquid eyes and quivering lower lip. "It's not fair," he seems to say. "I've been abused. I am a victim. Feel my pain."

And let's not even consider the accusations which would've followed such an interview - the accusations of "liberal media bias" and the vague but insistent implication that it is at least in bad taste if not downright treasonous to question the failings which might've led up to the 9/11 attacks. If we question our authority figures now, we show weakness and division in the face of evil, and the terrorists will already have won.

If anyone had told me in 2001 that five years later I'd be longing for the days when an opposition-led witchhunt with no clear mandate managed to impeach a sitting president for lying about something that was nobody's business anyway, I'd've winced and smirked at them with eyebrows all askew. The sad truth, though, is that I do miss those days.

Call me crazy, but in my mind one man lying about not having "sexual relations with that woman" is better than an entire administration asserting that there is a "clear threat" from "weapons of mass destruction"; that one man's embarrassing, public admission to enjoying hummers from marginally attractive women who aren't his wife is preferable to this consistent denial that our country's war effort is failing to stabilize the Middle East, failing to assuage the burgeoning hatred and disgust we are engendering even among our historical allies, and failing to make us - this country's citizens - any safer.

As if I wasn't...

...feeling disgusted and cynical enough, there's this little gem:

Coroner: Suspect says she drowned kids - Yahoo! News

The quote that made me simultaneously laugh and pound my head against a wall?
"This is an opportunity for people to turn to God," said Debra Kenton, a member of the New Life Community Church. "Who else can explain things like this?"
God's got an explanation for a 24-year-old woman butchering her pregnant friend and drowning three children?

Wow! This I gotta hear....

Just so I'm clear on things...

BBC NEWS | Africa | Somali port 'falls' to Islamists

In addition to making the U.S. safe from terrorism, we're also in Iraq to make certain that the Iraqis have freedom and aren't suffering under an oppressive, fundamentalist regime, right?

So why aren't we in Somalia? Oh, yeah: no oil. Not really in our best national interest, I guess.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

I'm really pissed off

I am a relatively simple person. There's not much that I want. I've managed to go two years without a girlfriend...hell, without touching a woman at all. I've quit drinking when I've been too poor to afford it. I've done without a car. I don't hate anybody. I'm always polite.

Well, fuck all that. World, I'm really angry at you. The one pleasure that I absolutely love, which is smoking, is socially unacceptable, shortens my life, makes it highly likely that I'll die a humiliating & public death of suffocation and makes the marketing geniuses who put this ritualistic deathdrug into the public's hands so obscenely wealthy that they can afford to simply hire actors to play the part of everybody in their lives...actors who act like they have no morals or scruples or ethics at all and believe that getting rich off the marketing of cancer and emphysema and a bajillion other toxic forms of slow death is no different than going to work and doing anything else in an office.

Well, I haven't had a cigarette in days, now. And I know where I am in terms of the addiction curve: I'm at that point where I try to kid myself into thinking that I can be a casual smoker, having one here and there and not falling back into the addiction. And I smoke a cigarette and, as I'm doing it, I realize that I love it: I love it more than sex or drugs or reading or music or love or even life itself, and I get angry that I can't smoke without becoming a smoker again. And I'm faced with a choice: be a happy, relatively well-adjusted sheep of a smoker, or become an angry, non-smoking bastard who realizes that his one pleasure in life has forever been stripped away, never to return.

In the past, I've always decided that being a happy sheep was the best course.

Well, look the fuck out, world, because I am now one tense and angry goat who's got not much to look forward to and a lot more time to live with his disappointment.

I'm gonna get healthy...& you're all gonna regret it.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I need a theme song

I've decided that I need theme music. I've had the following song in my music collection for about 6 years now, and I love it. So, thought I'd share:
LIGHTING THE WAY

I've been lighting the way
With bridges burning low, now.
I've been wasting the days
Like living's going out of style, now.
I've been up every night,
Walking down the highway.
If I can make things right,
I'm gonna do it my way.

Send it straight to you.
Like you put a price on everything you do.
Like a song that ain't worth singing.

I've been hiding away,
Waiting for disaster.
I regret the delay,
I wish I could've healed up faster.
I've been up every night,
Walking down the highway.
If I can make things right,
I'm gonna do it my way.

Send it straight to you.
Like you put a price on everything you do.
Like a song that ain't worth singing.
A thought that ain't worth thinking.
I've gotta find something worth bringing back to you.

Send it straight to you.
Like you put a price on everything you do.
Like a song that ain't worth singing.
A thought that ain't worth thinking.
I've gotta find something worth bringing back to you.
To you.

If I can make things right, i'm gonna do it my way.
If I can make things right, i'm gonna do it my way.
If I can make things right.
If I can make things right.
If I can make things right.
If I can make things right.
If I can make things right.
If I can make things right.
If I can make things right.
--John Davis of Superdrag
from the album
In the Valley of Dying Stars

That is all.

Friday, August 11, 2006

This post is unedited

I went into work on Wednesday not particularly looking forward to it, but not exactly dreading it, either. Just a regular day. I had a short shift (4 to 9 p.m.) and it didn't look like it'd be particularly difficult; it's the middle of the month, after all, and we have no particularly intense sales occurring.

I'd been there about an hour and was ringing up a guy who was buying watch batteries when my chest started to hurt. At first, it was no big deal--occasional chest pains aren't unusual for me.....

Jesus, fuck...what the hell am I doing, sitting here trying to write a clever, low-key factual account of what happened to me? I am constantly doing this...taking what is, at best, a mediocre existence & trying to turn it into a clever life. Trying to put a positive, yet not too hopeful spin to events that aren't really very important and trying to downplay things that really are.

I was never in danger of dying, but on Wednesday night my lung underwent a partial collapse of about 10%. The air which normally should've been in my lung leaked out of it into the pleural cavity which surrounds the lung through a rupture...almost certainly caused by my smoking. It's called "pneumothorax"; specifically "spontaneous pneumothorax" (i.e. stemming from no specific cause). The air which should be in the lung that gets trapped in the surrounding pleural cavity puts pressure on the lung, which results in intense pain, shortness of breath, sweating, bluish-tinge...basically, all the symptoms of a classic heart attack. I thought I was going to die. For real and for true, man, I thought that was it. I was going to die after being hauled out of my shitty place of work on a gurney and stuffed into an ambulance by a bunch of hulking morons who gave the vaguest impression that they thought I was overreacting to the crushing pain and inability to breathe which I was experiencing.

Don't get me wrong, they did their job and got me to the hospital, but if I never, especially while struggling desperately to breathe, hear the phrase "On a scale of 1 to 10" again, I'll be a happy fucking dude. "On a scale of 1 to 10," this crewcut imbecile says, refusing to look me in the eye as if chestpains and shortness of breath were symptoms of a psychic fucking disease that may be transmitted via eye contact, "with 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt"--no shit, folks, he felt the need to CLARIFY the 1 through 10 scale he was giving me while I wheezed and clawed at my oxygen mask--"how would you rank this pain?"

A quiz. A FUCKING quiz! I expected him to hand me a #2 pencil and a bubble form while I sorted through the pains of a perforating appendix, the once freshly stitched hernia operation I hadn't had any pain medication for, the raw and throbbing sockets of my wisdom teeth and the countless small sprains, cuts, contusions and cases of road rash I'd developed as a kid, not to mention the sting of the hydrogen peroxide invariably dumped from its industrial size bottle on to said wounds.

"Unnngggghhhhh," I groaned, banging my head back against the padding on the gurney and wishing I could change psychic places with this lackwit for just one second or, barring that, to have the strength to kick him a solid one in the balls and then quiz him about the particular subtleties and undertones of the resulting pain ("Would you say the edges are ragged or sharp? a piquant stab? or a dull throb?"). Remembering the overbearing agony of my appendix perforating and realizing that I'd put that up against any labor pains anywhere at any time, I grunted "Nine? Eight? I don't fucking knooowwwwww...."

Anyway, I ended up in the hospital for just over 24 hours, after a ride in an ambulance. Ready for the punchline? I don't have any insurance at all! None! Yay me!

Why don't I have any insurance? Because the amount of money I would spend each paycheck on insurance is, frequently, the difference between making my rent and not making my rent, between being able to buy groceries or not being able to buy groceries, between being able to put gas into the car which is necessary to get me to work so that I can make my car payments on the car which I have so that I can go to work so I can afford the gas necessary to run the car I need to get to the job that will allow me to make my car payments for the car that is necessary to get me to the job that pays for the gas I need to be able to drive to the job thaaaahhhrhhrhhrrrgghhhHHHHH!!!!!!!

You'll have to excuse me for that vicious regress...I'm going through serious, second day nicotine withdrawal right now, and it's very hard for me to see the positive in anything at all, at all.

Why should I go back to this job? I was ashamed to be pulled out of this job when I thought I was dying. That's the thing that I keep thinking back to in order to keep from running out and buying a pack of cigarettes: that being rolled out of the retail establishment where I work, wearing the stupid outfit I'm required to wear, was the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. That and the thought that, while I'm still not afraid to die, I'd really rather it not be by suffocation: being in pain and not being able to breathe is just an open ticket to panic, and I never want to die in a panic.

But, back to the job part of the not-smoking thing: do you see it? I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD DOING THIS JOB! Literally! If I were to die doing this job and my obituary read "He was a sales associate for such-and-such a crappy, manufacturing-outsourcing, retail establishment" my very last feelings would be of intense shame.

So...what do I do? Burn all bridges and throw myself into the wind, trusting on my heartiness to allow me to take root? Or plan something that might or might not work? Or get over myself and my shame and realize that it never mattered in the first place? that this is everybody's dilemma and quit feeling special?

I honestly don't know....

Monday, June 19, 2006

Blah, blah, excuses, blah, blah, lazy...

What the...? I haven't updated this since St. Patrick's Day? I must suck, or something.

Truth be told, I've been pretty active since mid-March. I've been working a lot. I've been playing WoW and D&D with all my friends back in Milwaukee a lot. I've been reading a lot. I've been...well, actually, that pretty much sums up the stuff I've been doing a lot.

Something that I haven't been doing a lot is just plain relaxing. Don't get me wrong--I have my hobbies and my free time is my own and I enjoy myself--but leveling a Night Elf Druid up to 60 could be considered work, while Jack Miles' God: A Biography, pleasurable, moving and spiritually enlightening read that it is, could hardly be considered a brain-vacation. Add to this the fact that my work schedule now encompasses 6 of any given 7 days in a week and I think you'd agree that I was in dire need of some well-deserved R&R.

So, last week I took a vacation. And this time, I didn't just hole up in my apartment and pretend that reality stopped at the door, as I'm so wont to do. Nope. This time I took a vacation...and I got the hell out of town.

I really can't fully express how fantastic my vacation was! My first stop was good ol' Aiken, where I'd lived for 10 years. (And, yes...if you're counting, that's the longest I've ever lived anywhere in my entire life!) While there I stayed with my friends Chris & Kate and their wonderful daughter Ash. I hadn't seen any of them since I'd moved to Milwaukee back in August of 2002, so I spent a long while visiting with them, reading Chris's extensive library of D&D books, hanging out, talking and becoming enamored with Ash, who is easily the smartest and most creative five-year-old I've ever met. I also spent some time just driving around Aiken, seeing how much (or little, really) the town has changed. I have to tell you that being around close friends in a familiar and comfortable environment is so relaxing that cheesy phrases like "balm for the soul" spring to mind with such force that it takes an effort of will not to use them earnestly, eagerly and repeatedly.

Anyway, that was late Friday night until early Thursday morning. Thursday morning I...went to work.

No...wait. I didn't go to work. Why did I write that?

Oh! I know why. I wrote that not because I went to work, but because I have to go to work right now! Silly me.

Anyway, I'm back and my Southeastern odyssey isn't even close to done. So, stay tuned for the rest of my vacation travelogue. I'll post it tomorrow night. Until then, take care.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Oh, thank god...

Been a great day. Payday yesterday meant I could turn my phone back on, make my car and student loan payments, and buy some much needed groceries. As a bonus, when I came into work and checked my bank account today, I found that Los Federales had deposited my income tax return! This means I can get some stuff that wasn't absolutely necessary for basic survival, but that I still needed anyway. You know, things like bedsheets, my own towels (thanks for the loan, Norma! I'll wash it before I bring it back!), a microwave, a vacuum cleaner, pots, pans, dishes, glasses, silverware, a shelf for my TV.... You know, optional stuff like that. :)
 
Oh! It also means that I can get my own intarweb. So I should be back online regularly within two weeks. That means IM, WoW, movies, music....
 
God...I honestly can't wait!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Dark side of the moon...

No, not the Pink Floyd album. Until Thursday, just pretend I'm an astronaut in the pre-communication satellite era, because I will be unreachable by any means short of telepathy.
 
Yeah, my cell phone got shut off. I miscalculated some of the misinformation I was given about my new plan. Payday's Thursday, so it'll be paid then.
 
So, I guess I'll see you.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Home sweet...

I'm in my new apartment now. It's been costly, this road back to independence, but on Sunday, looking around at all my books in their places, wearing clean clothes and eating pot noodles, I figured that it was worth it.
 
I've had to sell a bunch of stuff, but as a very wise woman once said to me when I was using returning her stuff to her as an excuse to see her one last time, "Fuck it, John, it's only stuff."
 
Indeed.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Incommunicado!

Hello, all. Just a quick note to let you know that, despite some issues (don't people fucking clean their apartments before they move out any more? Jesus Christ!), I am moving into my new apartment today! Yay, me!

The drawback to this is that I will be incommunicado for a few weeks, at least as far as webby access goes. I will not be getting my DSL turned on at my apartment until my tax returns arrive (hopefully soon, but no guarantee), which will limit my access to the computers at work, my phone and computers I might use during visits to my brother's house or the library. In all likelihood, I will be able to receive communications, but won't really be sending them. So expect very few emails and next to no posts.

My cell phone, as always, remains functional, so those of you who I've deemed worthy of my cell phone number are free (and encouraged!) to call me.

So, anyway, take care, wish me luck and expect me back soonest!

Monday, February 27, 2006

Well, duh...

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Da Vinci Code 'copied book ideas'

Jesus hopping Christ on a trampoline, I thought everybody knew that! Hell, Robert Anton Wilson's The Historical Illuminatus Chronicles was entirely about the bloodline of Christ being whisked away to ancient Gaul and rising as the Merovingians, their secret kept safe by The Knights Templar, and that series is around 20 years old! That's why I haven't bothered to read The Da Vinci Code...it's already been done.

Still, I think, for the most part, that this is just sour grapes on the part of Baigent and Leigh. They wrote a nice, clean, scholarly book that 16 people (including Dan Brown) read, and they didn't make nearly the money that Brown did. If The Da Vinci Code had flopped, there would never have been a law suit. Now they've decided they'd like a little bit of that delicious money buffet.

Of course, Dan Brown could have avoided the entire law suit by acknowledging Baigent and Leigh. (And, honestly, for all I know, he might've; remember, I haven't even read the book.) However, persistent, buzzing rumor about Brown is that he's a bit arrogant, so I can see why he wouldn't've bothered.

Oh well, the thought that writers pretty much steal for a living isn't exactly new. I just thought Brown's particular case had been brought to light already.

Savage breasts...

...and the music that soothes them, in today's post!

I've been having a love affair with iTunes lately, ripping every CD I own to my hard drive. And, now, you can see what I'm listening to. Weird, eh?

Oh, and the quote really is "Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." As near as I can tell, that "savage beast" thing originated in old Warner Bros. cartoons.

God, why do I have to point out my own erudition? I'm such a pathetic show-off.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

It's...it's indescribably beautiful!

Prolific Actor Darren McGavin Dies at 83

Man, it's been a rough day for old school TV. First Don Knotts, now my favorite movie dad.

R.I.P. Kolchak. You will be missed.

See you next Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

One of the reasons I'm broke...

Road Rage Puts Woman, 4 Children In Danger

So...I now have a car. It's a 1997 Toyota Avalon with just shy of 200,000 miles on it. Obviously, not a long-term ride, but it should do for tooling around town for the next 3 years or so. As an aside, it's not like I just got it or anything; I've had it since early December.

The day after it was delivered, the woman who lives across the street blithely neglected to check behind her and backed her Nissan XTerra into it, smashing the left-front headlight and crumpling the area right around the bumper. Yup. I hadn't even taken it out on the road. It was just barely registered and insured. And, since she was driving a god-damned tank, the damage to her vehicle amounted to bupkiss.

Fast forward to now, skipping past a few police visits and some screaming and a bit of worrying about ninjas (don't ask) and a settlement which dumped, temporarily, over $1,300 into my bank account and my dropping my car off to have it repaired. I am now driving a Chevy Aveo which is, provided you have freshly charged batteries in it and your remote control set to the proper frequency, a damn fine little car. Emphasis on little.

Now, my neighbor's insurance company is, of course, paying for the rental on my remote-controlled Matchbox. Well, most of it: they're not paying for the gas (which is fine since, well, you know, I'd have to pay for gas in my own car were I driving it) or, ironically, the additional insurance needed to endow it with complete coverage. My own vehicle is insured right up to the minimum necessary in Florida to legally drive it, so I'm reasonably sure that my own insurance company wouldn't want to hear about it should I actually have an accident in a rental car being paid for by the opposition. The cost of insuring this mite of a vehicle for nine days is over $160. I.e. what I would pay to insure my much nicer (if, admittedly, much older) car for over two months.

Since I am in the process of moving out of my brother's house and into my own apartment, my money is so tight from the constrictions of move-in fees and required rental insurance and security deposits that its poor little monetary feet and fingers are swelling and turning purple. I honestly intended to cancel the insurance after the first day, thereby saving the money and relying on my own caution and legendary "feather-foot" to see me through the remaining rental period. The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized that, as evinced by the story above and more than a few others like it, Jacksonville's roads seem to celebrate "Put a Partially-Sighted Psychotic Behind the Wheel of a Dangerous Vehicle" as a perpetual holiday. So, although it is causing me much financial stress, I have been quite relaxed and comfortable behind the wheel, knowing that the safety of this loaner is guaranteed, exorbitantly, by much wiser entities than I.

Here's the funny thing, though: when I first made the decision to stick with the insurance, I patted myself on the back with such vivacity that I nearly sprained my shoulder. "Way to go, man!" I said to myself. "Way to be responsible! You've done the right thing, ol' self, ol' chum!" Now, at eight days without an accident and the promise of Ramen noodles and multi-vitamins as my only sustenance for the foreseeable future, I'm hearing an entirely different tune: "Y'know," says this oily voice in my left ear. "This car's got some pick up, dude. And airbags. And, after all, you are covered.... I mean, seriously," here I feel the little prick of claws, or possibly a pitchfork, in my left shoulder, "isn't it your turn to drive like a maniac?"