Friday, December 29, 2006

On the fifth day of Christmas...

...my iPod played for me
Fifteen ran-dom soonnnngs!
  1. "The Number of the Beast" - Iron Maiden
  2. "Day Tripper" - The Beatles
  3. "Friction (Alternate Version)" - Television
  4. "Peggy's Blue Skylight" - Charles Mingus
  5. "Storm Coming" - Gnarls Barkley
  6. "This Is a Call" - Foo Fighters
  7. "Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles
  8. "Divine Intervention" - Matthew Sweet
  9. "A Day In The Life" - The Beatles
  10. "Sweet Hitch-Hiker" - Creedence Clearwater Revival
  11. "Box Full of Letters" - Wilco
  12. "Flight of Icarus" - Iron Maiden
  13. "Jesus, Etc." - Wilco
  14. "Poor Places" - Wilco
  15. "Rosetta Stoned" - Tool
You know what? I'm not 100% sure my iPod understands what random means. I mean, three songs by The Beatles, three songs by Wilco (two off the same damn album! in a row!) and the obligatory Tool song toward the end. Oh well, I'm not complaining; hell, anybody who owns an iPod should think of the less fortunate and not complain about a whole bunch of stuff.

Anyway, you see this guy?



Oy, is that guy tired!

Seriously, though, I've pulled in a good bit of overtime in the past two weeks, so I'm beat. Luckily it looks as if the worst of the holiday frenzy has subsided, so I'll be getting back to normal here in the new year. Just in time for me to kick the teacher job search into overdrive. Plus, I decided to take my vacation (which just became available to me again) the week of January 21. Shy of a miracle, I will not be travelling this time. Instead, I will be taking the time to be free for interviews and so that I can use it before I get bumped down to part-time.

What's that, you say? Part-time?

Yeah...I'm planning on keeping my crappy retail job for a bit once I start teaching. Maybe work Sunday and a random weeknight. Why? Because...well, I could use the extra money. Plus, if I don't quit the job, I won't have to get re-hired come summertime.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Beef!

It's what's for (Christmas) dinner!



Jaysus! I'll ne'er trust the horn of a bull, nor the hoof of a horse, nor the smile of a Saxon. But, b'god! You turn the last one loose on the first one, and ye'll get yourself one godawmighty beautiful slice of beef!

Seriously, though, my London Broil turned out wonderfully: delicious and charred and just shy of moo-ing on the inside. That photo up there is half of it. What happened to the other half? Well, I ate it and, briefly, I believed in a good and generous god.

I couldn't've asked for a better day!

The Festival of Intermittent Lights

Hmmm...this weather situation is getting weirder. We're under a tornado warning, meaning, of course, that there's an honest-to-god tornado out there someplace. And, of course, whenever there is heavy rain in Florida, power outages are sure to follow. I've been trying to time my activities around them, but it's not easy.

Anyway, I almost completely forgot that I snapped a photo of my awesome Christmas Eve activities:



Yeah, I know, the picture quality sucks, but that is actually Jack Skellington in The Nightmare Before Christmas on my TV. Surrounding the TV are the cards I have received from various friends and family-members. If you sent me a card, thank you!

"I wish you a hopeful Christmas"

"They said there'll be snow at Christmas
"They said there'll be peace on earth
"But instead it just kept on raining
"A veil of tears for the virgin birth."

—Greg Lake, "I Believe In Father Christmas"

Sad news this Christmas morning.

Since I lived in Aiken, South Carolina, for 10 years, James Brown was not only a world famous soul music legend, but also a wacky, drug- and ego-fueled local maniac of legendary status. If you can believe it (and you have no call to—I sometimes doubt it, myself) my ex-wife's father, an Aiken County Sheriff's Deputy back in the day, arrested James Brown on at least one occasion.

Well, whatever. He was a drug-fiend and a wife-beater and the single claim-to-fame for rural sheriff's deputies in numerous counties across Georgia and South Carolina. More importantly, though, he transformed the world of music. Requiescat In Pace, James Brown. You've certainly earned it.

Meanwhile, here in Florida it quite literally "just keeps on raining." The most colorful things I've seen all day are the weather maps on TV: all festive red, orange and yellow. It's a beautiful day to stay home, relax and enjoy the sound of rain. That's precisely what I'm doing. My holiday plans are continuing apace and I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I hope that all of you can say the same!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Navidad en soledad

So, what with me working retail and being required to be in the store on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, and with my brother, his wife and son spending the holidays in Puerto Rico, I am looking at my first, truly solitary Christmas ever. Now, this is not a plea for sympathy: I work retail, folks, and by the time Christmas actually rolls around I'll be so sick of people that, honestly, I'm looking forward to celebrating solitude on Christmas. After all, I have my cell phone and have warned all my friends that they can expect calls from me. On top of that, I have plans, my friends, wonderful plans!

Now, one of the things I've always loved about the holidays is the food. Of course, being a bachelor (and essentially lazy, to boot) I don't really cook for myself very often. Oh, sure, I'll do my "Trailer Trash Soul Food" (Shake 'n' Bake chicken legs, canned Glory greens and boxed macaroni & cheese) or "Aide D'Hamburger du Jour", but stuff that requires slicing and marinating and chopping and tasting and, in general, anything more complex than "stirring occasionally"? Nope. No time. No inclination. Not enough mouths to feed. Too much effort.

Well, not this Christmas! I am feasting, feasting, feasting this year, spending every moment eating, drinking and being merry. And yup, that includes breakfast, which is rarely more complicated than a granola bar and coffee. I am also watching lots of movies and relaxing.

So, in keeping with the feast spirit of my upcoming holiday, here's what I have on the menu:
CHRISTMAS EVE:
Christmas Eve has, traditionally, never been a very big deal. Usually we watched old-school Christmas specials and ate fast food or whatever. So, in keeping with that tradition:
  • Entrée: Microwavable White Castle Cheeseburgers;
  • Potato Dish: Tater Tots;
  • Vegetable Dish: Er...well, maybe I'll put some onions & pickles on the cheeseburgers;
  • Beverage: Pabst Blue Ribbon beer;
  • Entertainment: The Nightmare Before Christmas; "Futurama", Volume Two, Disc Four; whatever old-school Christmas specials are on the tube.
CHRISTMAS DAY:
Breakfast
  • Entrée: Maple Walnut Danish;
  • Vegetable Dish: Grapefruit;
  • Beverage: Foglifter coffee, brewed strong—about a pot or so;
  • Entertainment: Various Christmas music; phone calls to family; maybe whatever Christmas parades are on the tube.
Lunch
Lunch will be something of a rolling affair, snacky in nature and meant to be consumed at my leisure.
  • Entrée: Beef summer sausage & sharp cheddar cheese, served on Triscuits;
  • Vegetable Dish: Crudités of broccoli, baby carrots and cauliflower served with blue cheese dip;
  • Beverage: Either hard cider or Guinness: I'm still weighing my options/finances;
  • Entertainment: Purple Rain; What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?; Slacker; Rushmore.
Dinner
  • Entrée: London Broil;
  • Potato Dish: Garlic mashed potatoes;
  • Vegetable Dish: Broccoli with white cheddar sauce;
  • Beverage: Yellow Tail Shiraz, 2005
  • Dessert: New York style cheesecake (!);
  • Entertainment: Phone calls to friends; any of the above-listed movies I haven't gotten around to; possibly the football game.
With the exception of the hard cider (or Guinness), the cheeseburgers and the tater tots, I went out and bought all the food today. I'll do the rest of my shopping tomorrow night. So, essentially I'm all set.

Sounds like a good day, eh? I'm looking forward to it. My Christmas is going to be the model of peace and, if not harmony, at least melody. And I can't ask for anything more than that.

I just need to get through these last couple shopping days. Wish me luck!

Holy crap...

...it's Friday.
  1. "Judy Is A Punk" - The Ramones
  2. "Run, Run, Run To Bethleham" - Dave Brubeck
  3. "Under Pressure" - Queen & David Bowie
  4. "Octopus's Garden" - The Beatles
  5. "Ghetto Soundwave" - Fishbone
  6. "Flash of the Blade" - Iron Maiden
  7. "Paganini: Allegro Vivace A Movimento Perpetuo In C, Op. 11, MS 72 (Bluegrass Version)" - Béla Fleck
  8. "Nowhere Man" - The Beatles
  9. "I Don't Care" - The Ramones
  10. "Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys
  11. "Because" - The Beatles
  12. "Mister Superstar" - Marilyn Manson
  13. "Without Fear" - Lacuna Coil
  14. "Don't Come Close" - The Ramones
  15. "Mean Mr. Mustard" - The Beatles
And the award for "Longest Fucking Song Title Appearing in a Friday iPod Shuffle Ever" goes to Béla Fleck! Congratulations, Mr. Fleck! Reading your Deutsche Grammophon-style title as it scrolled by in my iPod's tiny window made my eyes cross with the dreaded Squinting Motion Sickness!

Also, I really need to thin-out the number of songs by The Ramones and The Beatles on this thing. This list looks like I've got a mostly-dead mop-topped four-piece pop band fetish!

That's not necessarily a bad thing, but....

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Extremes are neat



Happy Winter Solstice from Great Cthulhu and me!

Story-writing contest?

I'm thinking this might be a fun thing to do. Some of these ideas, though:
* Story of a man trying to live down his crazy past and encountering it everywhere.

* A tree, finding water, pierces roof and solves a mystery.



* Marionettes during dinner party meeting and kissing.
I mean, a guy trying to escape his crazy past? Could that be any more general? And that bit about the tree, the roof and the mystery sounds like some weird Zen koan.

Anyway, who knows? Might be something fun to do in my copious free time.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

NERDVANA!

Oh, my god! Oh my god! Oh my god oh my godohmygodohmygod oh! My! God!

War Dogs Game Center

This place just relocated within walking distance of my apartment! A game store! I can, without driving, get back into tabletop gaming again! Hooray! Hooray! HooRAAAAAAAYYYYYY!

I was so excited, and grateful, that I actually bought something I shouldn't have. But, my grandfather sent me money for Christmas, and I'm pretty sure he'd want me to spend it on something I really want. Plus...I can run the damn thing and, maybe, have friends—and a social life!—again! Yay!

Wow…four thoughts just crossed my mind in rapid succession:
  1. I am a major fucking dork;
  2. Should I worry that, possibly, some of my future students might become part of my gaming group?
  3. I am seriously a major fucking dork;
  4. I honestly don't care!
I am everso happy right now!

Sounds like Beth...

...has had enough of this shit.

TO: PETER CRISS; FROM: BETH.

Some highlights:
You say you and the boys just can't find the sound. Here: loud guitars and lots of people bellowing in a not particularly melodious way. There. Done. There's your "sound." You ain't Bowie.…

"Oh, Beth, what can I do?" you ask.… You can do this, Peter: Say, "I'm sorry, boys, I've got plans for this evening. Beth's parents are coming over and I need to impress upon them that playing in a band is a legitimate career.… You see, Beth's parents don't really understand rock-and-roll and still can't quite follow why their son-in-law finds it necessary to dress up as a kitty cat in order to play the drums. And why, they wonder, does this supposedly scary heavy-metal band have someone dressed up as a kitty cat?… Was he unable to figure out a teddy-bear or gumdrop-unicorn makeup pattern?"

In other news, today is my one day off this week, so I'm out and about getting shopping done and cards mailed and picking up provisions for my Xmas feast. The rest of the week will be long and busy, so if you don't see me: Happy Holidays to you!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

A day late...

...but not a dollar short.

What with all the working, thinking, sleeping and soul-searching I was doing yesterday, I neglected to get my Friday iPod Shuffle done. Let us remedy that, no?
  1. "Weatherbox" - Mission of Burma
  2. "And Your Bird Can Sing" - The Beatles
  3. "Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite" - The Beatles
  4. "This Is Not A Photograph" - Mission of Burma
  5. "True Love Waits" - Radiohead
  6. "The Wolf Is Loose" - Mastodon
  7. "Store Bought Bones" - The Raconteurs
  8. "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" - Wilco
  9. "Yellow Sun" - The Raconteurs
  10. "Cretin Hop" - The Ramones
  11. "Insensatez" - Antonio Carlos Jobim
  12. "We Care A Lot" - Faith No More
  13. "I Wanna Live" - The Ramones
  14. "New Orleans Is Sinking" - The Tragically Hip
  15. "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" - The Ramones
Damn, I say godDAMN! That couldn't've rocked more if I'd picked 'em myself.

True, I'd not've picked those particular Ramones' songs, and not nearly so many of them. But, never forget it folks, and these are words to live by, randomness rules!

Changes

I've been writing all morning, trying to wrap my head around a bunch of things that I've been thinking about ever since I read this post by Ombra. It's been difficult, because I'm tending to over-write it. So I'm going to under-write it instead.
  • I have become an incredibly negative person.
  • I never wanted to be an incredibly negative person.
  • I don't believe that I actually am an incredibly negative person.
  • I am sick to death of being an incredibly negative person.
  • I have stopped being an incredibly negative person.
  • I am going to become a high-school English teacher.
Had my "district level interview" on Thursday and I'm now "certifiable" (y'all always knew that was true, didn't you?). The process, starting now, involves me finding schools with vacancies and interviewing with principals. If they like me, they hire me. If they hire me, I start teaching in January.

How does the "incredibly negative person" bit up there relate to being a teacher? Because incredibly negative people shouldn't be teachers. And look where being an incredibly negative person has gotten me: unhappy, alone, lonely, embittered, working as a salesman/shill for a money-hungry corporation. Fuck it.

Plus, I've never been cool enough to justify being so hyper-critical and discerning anyway.

Now, I need a favor from you folks: please, please, please tell me about good teachers. Advice on teaching, anecdotes about good teachers, websites with advice for teachers: anything at all that any of y'all out there can give me. I want to be a good teacher, and I need all the help I can get.

Thanks in advance. I appreciate it!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Cliff...

...hanger.

Big news. Great goings-on. Too tired. Headed for bed.

Stay tuned....

I have no idea...

...why I'm doing this, but Ombra has a quiz up on her site that I'm drawn to taking. I normally eschew these things, but I can't stop thinking about this one, so...

Pop Quiz
  1. List any nicknames you've been saddled with over the years: Jody, but only my family calls me that, so if you're not related to me, step off.
  2. You win the lottery. What are the first three things you spend the money on?
  3. What physical aspect of yourself do you like the best? Er...hair, I guess. Or eyes. Except, traditionally, I've used the one to hide the other, so...yeah: hair.
  4. List all intentional body modifications (excluding scars, etc.). I shave pretty frequently and keep my nails short. That's about it.
  5. You are stranded on a desert island. You have a solar powered laptop with you. What five cds and five dvds do you most want to have with you?
    DVDs: CDs:
  6. You either have to be shirtless or barefoot for the rest of your life. Which do you choose? As long as I can wear a jacket on occasion, I'll go shirtless.
  7. You and you alone have been granted the dubious honor of choosing the next president of the United States. Who are your top three contenders? Jesus, I miss Bill Hicks.
  8. One night on the town, your friends take you to a strip club. A stripper comes over to you, sits in your lap, wriggles around a bit, and asks if you'd like a lap dance. She says she likes the looks of you and offers this service free of charge. However, when she meets your eye, you realize you recognize her. You have no doubt that she is who you think she is--it's obviously her, minus some clothing. This is someone you see on a semi-regular basis, like she's the girl that cuts your hair or some similar relationship. However, she doesn't give any sign that she recognizes you. Do you mention it and call to her attention that you are acquaintances? Or do you keep your mouth shut? Most of all, do you accept the offer for the lap dance? Free lap dance? I keep my mouth shut and take it.
  9. You are asked to pose nude for a portrait by an artist whose work you truly admire. Do you? Sure. Especially if she's the stripper from question 8.
  10. You either have to begin killing all the animals you eat yourself, or become a vegetarian. Which do you choose? Pesco-vegetarian, all the way. I'm not a big fan of butchery and it seems a bit wasteful for me to kill a whole cow just for one burger.
There, now that I've got that out of my system, maybe I can move on to other things.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Options, or not

Well, if stuff doesn't pick up and I get so sick of retail that I'd rather, I don't know, die or something, there's always this.
Many of the older recruits are looking for a lifestyle change.
I'm pretty goddamned sure they get that, man.

I mean, honestly, how desperate is the Army that it's recruiting those of us in our early middle age? And how desperate am I that I'm thinking about the benefits of the G.I. Bill? I mean, I actually looked up the website....

Wait a minute, I hate guns. And violence. And inflexible, hierarchical organizations. And having to shoot people. And being shot.

Well, at least I can't be drafted. Thank goodness for that, I guess.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Methodical shuffling

Egyptian Conservationists Fight To Protect Dwindling Mummy Population
Just a few years ago, the hillsides from Luxor to Giza would have been buzzing with the familiar sounds of tomb doors creaking open and bones snapping under the methodical shuffling of a slow, catatonic gait. But the telltale signs of Egypt's indigenous mummy population have fallen silent recently, and the fearsome creatures that once lurched freely across the Valley of the Kings are disappearing at an alarming rate.
Did I lawl? I did lawl. And then I lawled some more.

Speaking of methodical shuffling, it's time for the Friday iPod Shuffle! Fifteen songs, randomly chosen! Which will suck? Which will rock? You don't know? Well, I don't know either! Let's find out...right now!
  1. "Let's Roll" - Neil Young
  2. "My Morning Song" - The Black Crowes
  3. "I'm Affected" - The Ramones
  4. "In A Silent Way" - Miles Davis
  5. "Oh, Had I A Golden Thread" - Pete Seeger
  6. "Haunting & Heartbreaking" - Angelo Badalamenti
  7. "Friction" - Television
  8. "I Put A Spell On You" - Marilyn Manson
  9. "We Are The Champions" - Queen
  10. "Seven Steps To Heaven" - Miles Davis
  11. "Love Needs A Heart" - Jackson Browne
  12. "Drive My Car" - The Beatles
  13. "I Just Want To Have Something To Do" - The Ramones
  14. "Colony of Birchmen" - Mastodon
  15. "Lateralus" - Tool
Egads! That got sort of heavy there at the end.

Well, that's about all the content I've got in me right now. I've got a semi-thoughty blogpost percolating, but I'm still running it through in my head. I've started a draft of it, but I'm not even ready to keep working on it, just yet. So, rest assured that I am in good health and good spirits. Yesterday I got paid, and paid well, for my services over the Thanksgiving weekend, so I have money and have upgraded my diet from ramen noodles and frozen dinners to honest-to-god food. Now I just need to get all my Xmas shopping done and I'll be able to skate through the rest of the year. Yay, me!

Oh, almost forgot: if you've not seen The Squid and the Whale, I urge you to do so. It's a wonderfully idiosyncratic drama and I loved it. I imagine y'all might as well.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Where is my mind?

I think I'm losing it.

Last Friday, December 1, I wrote out my rent check. My rent, including the utility charges for water and garbage and such, comes to $486 or so. I wrote the rent check for $286. Then I put it in an envelope, lightly sealed it and strolled down to the complex's office and turned it in. I was whistling a tune to myself while I did it.

I have no idea why I did that. I honestly thought I'd written if for the correct amount.

On Saturday, when I discovered my error (the office here uses a check scanner and keeps their account at the same bank I do, so my check posted fast) I freaked out. My thoughts spread out across a wide spectrum: at one end, the thought that, maybe, because I'd been renting here for 9 months, a $200 portion of my deposit had been refunded, so the people at the office had changed my check to reflect that; at the other end, the terror that I'd slipped over the line from "a little weird and eccentric" to "stupid and insane."

The latter case seems to be true. Yesterday I went down there and, after borrowing $100 from my brother to cover it, wrote a check for $280. The $80 increase covers my late fee which, obviously, I couldn't afford.

Just to top things off, on Sunday I returned a DVD case to the library. No DVD in it, just the case.

The truth is, I have been distracted lately. Thursday night I came home and, for no discernable reason, got fascinated with the relationship between square-roots and irrational numbers, drifting off to sleep with the countable (yet infinite) set of all rational square-roots and the uncountable (yet also infinite) set of all irrational square-roots spinning around my head. Friday night I dropped off casting the long-rumored Watchmen movie in my head. I'd settled on J.K. Simmons as The Comedian and, in the role of his life, Steve Buscemi as Rorshach and was casting a tentative vote for Tim Robbins as Dan Dreiberg/Nite Owl when I finally lost consciousness. And yesterday, after all the running around taking care of my real-life stupidity, I revisited good ol' Phineas Gage before I trundled off to work.

Anyway, I don't know what's up with me. I feel like I'm just wandering around with all this stuff in my head that interests me, but I've got no-one with whom I can discuss it. That makes me sad, and lonely.

However, on the bright side, I could be wrong!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Oh, good lord...

...this is hilarious!

I know that most people actually watch TV regularly. And a good many of you actually check YouTube much more often than I do. So, I apologize if you've seen this already. But, Christ on a pogo stick, this is the funniest thing I've seen in an amazingly long time:



God! Did you see it? And the bit about the tie? And, come on, is Richard Simmons not the best sport in the world to ever appear on David Letterman's show ever?

The Friday shuffle

Clint does a neat thing on Fridays: he sets his iPod on "Shuffle" and blogs the first 15 songs that come up. Since I like doing neat things, I've decided to emulate him. So, without further ado:
  1. "Cops of the World" - Phil Ochs
  2. "It's Who You Know" - X
  3. "At Least That's What You Said" - Wilco
  4. "the Once Over Twice (Unissued Single Mix)" - X
  5. "Opera Singer" - Cake
  6. "Se me hizo facil (It Was Easy for Me, 1959)" - Kronos Quartet
  7. "Andvari" - Sigur Rós
  8. "The Dreydl Song" - Another Man Down
  9. "Christmas in Hollis" - Tentilfour
  10. "What Child Is This" - Vince Guraldi
  11. "The Pot" - Tool
  12. "Atoms for Peace" - Thom Yorke
  13. "Bracero" - Phil Ochs
  14. "Let's Have A War" - A Perfect Circle
  15. "Triad" - Tool
In the interest of full disclosure, I only own a 2-gig iPod Nano. My standard operating procedure is to load it up with new music I'm sort of trying out. So a lot of that stuff I just listened to for the first time.