Halloween

Halloween is, by far, my favorite holiday in the entire year. Honestly, any occasion where I get to dress up like a freak and walk around in public is awesome, and Halloween is really the only socially acceptable excuse to do that. This year, I did it on multiple occasions, which was really awesome.

I've had a few people request pictures of my costumes this year. Technically, I had three, although one was a very simplified and gore-ified variation. Here, in reverse chronological order, they are:

October 31: "The Messy Eater"

Halloween night I hung out with Chris & Kate in their front yard, handing out candy and operating one of the fog machines. Nobody asked me what I was, but if they had I would've told them I was a messy eater. Prep was simple: I took my "costume" from the night before and gargled with some fake blood, refreshing it on occasion throughout the evening. I even acted like a fountain with it, tilting my head back and sputtering up so it splashed back on my face, which led to this interesting detail:

I'm not sure how easy it is to make out but, if you look closely, you can see that I managed to get streaks of fake blood on my glasses. I thought that was pretty cool.

October 30: "T.D. Gressl"

Most of my Halloween costumes are a little bit obscure, because I frequently don't go as a general concept-character (pirate, ninja, doctor, wrestler, etc.) but as hyper-specific characters (one year I went as Andy Warhol, which was absurdly easy). Unfortunately, most of the hyper-specific characters exist only between my ears: one year I was Buford Bodette, a farmer who'd been caught in a combine, for instance. Tuesday night, for trivia at Pat's, I decided to go as T.D. Gressl, the anthropomorphic incarnation of a particularly nasty and corrupt demon (you get two guesses what "T.D." stands for). Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of the finished costume yet, but I will post them when I do.

That said, here's me in the process of being made-up by Chris:

Whenever people asked me what I was supposed to be, I would give them a look…

…then a big smile and say "Full." A lot of people just assumed I was dead, so when they'd say "Look! There's a dead guy!" I'd say "I'm not dead. Someone who's never even been born can't possibly die." At one point, I rambled on a bit about how ironic it was that I thought humans tasted "divine," and how just a little bit of fear and pain brought their delicious souls slipping out of their bodies like oysters from a shell.

I'm not sure anyone got that I was a demon, but I think I might've creeped some folks out. At the very least, I confused them.

October 27: Father Eaghan Morgenstern—Hunter of the Undead

Father Eaghan was the character I'd been carrying around in my head for nearly a year and the one I worked the hardest on. I mean, hell, I went so far as to grow a beard, which drove me batshit insane.

My initial concept was to base Father Eaghan entirely off of Max Brooks, hence the katana. However, the more excited I got about the character, the more I decided to go with more super-natural undead besides just zombies.

Now, I know that you can't see too much in that shot up top. Basically, I wore a clerical collar, blue jeans, black stomp boots and a large belt rigged up gunslinger style with a replica pistol and a sword.

I got pretty detailed, too:

That's a rosary that I picked up in an antique store and attached to the katana's scabbard using picture-wire and needle-nose pliers.

And there's my trusty, single-shot revolver (no need to hurry when you're shooting zombies) along with my vampire-frightening cross. The cross I picked up in the wind-chime section of Hobby Lobby for $2.99. You don't want to know what I paid for the replica pistol.

There was one more ingredient for all these costumes that really made them wild:

If you ever want to have a dusty, or even downright dirty appearance, get thyself to Home Depot and pick up a 60 lb. bag of Sankrete for $5. Nothing says "I am serious about this costume" like simulated road-dust or grave-dirt!

Anyway, hope you all had happy, individual Halloweens. I'll post more pictures of the T.D. Gressl costume when they arrive in my in-box.

And, believe it or not, I'll be writing something tomorrow, too.

How I'm living

Direct from the pages of Better Huts & Hovels, I am pleased to present…

…my new apartment!

Yes, dear readers, I realize I haven't posted in quite some time. Please, forgive me. As these pictures will show, I have been busy not only settling in to my new digs, but also taking copious pictures of them and working up the cajones to use the phrase "dear readers" in a blog-post.

Obviously, that first photo up there is of my front door. Walking into the apartment and looking to your left, you would see this:

My living room, replete with reading lamp and chair there in the foreground and electronic entertainment there in the background. And how's about that rug, folks?

From this left-looking position, swivel your head to the right slightly and feast your eyes on…

…my awesome and amazing decorating sense in all its glory! Yes, that is a replica lightsaber up there on the cheapass ladder shelves. Yes, that is my trusted Fender Jagmaster in the background. Yes, that is a beanbag chair in the foreground and a swiveling floor-chair next to the beanbag chair. And, yes, that is the smallest dining-room table known to humanity.

Exciting, no?

Now, I realize you're all waiting with 'bated breath to see the rest of the apartment, especially those parts at which I've already hinted. However, before we proceed any farther, allow me to take you coats…

…and hang them in the coat closet, where they will be in very good company with my own, seldom used, coats. An interesting note: to the immediate right of the coat closet is my "Guest Stick," which I keep handy for those times when I have unexpected visitors. Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, evangelists and traveling salesfolk, take note!

Moving on to the rest of the apartment, you will have noticed the back door visible in one of the photos above. Please allow me to show you my back patio:

Stepping out the back-door, we are greeted with this view. That tree there in the foreground is known as "Mr. Awesome." He is one of my new best friends.

In case you were wondering what the patio itself looks like:

Voila! Believe it or not, as in-doorsy as I am, I spend an awful lot of time out here.

Headed back in through the back-door, we are greeted with the kitchen:

As you can see, I may boast not only a back-door and sink, but a dishwasher as well! Impressed? Oh, wait, there's more:

Not only does my kitchen have a dishwasher, but it also includes a stove and refrigerator! One could almost get the impression that I am living like a normal human being, no?

Now, let us travel deep into the bowels of my apartment. "The depths," one might way, if one had only said we were going to travel deep into the apartment, because saying "deep into the depths" is akin to saying "Please, empty my drool cup, as I am unable to think clearly."

Here is my hallway. To the left:

A laundry-nook, which is currently empty! (Thoughtful gift givers, take note: a washer, at the very least, and a dryer, sometime a little later on [since I have learned that clothes will, over time, as if by magic, dry themselves!] would be very much appreciated!) To the right:

The entrance to my bedroom! Inviting, no? Makes you women want to come in and sleep with me, am I right? What? Wait, wait…have you seen:

My bed? It's a single! Guaranteed snuggling! Plus, I have Yoshitaka Amano's version of Neil Gaiman's character Dream of the Endless watching over us! That's pretty sexy, right?

Hmm. Well, how's about this:

There's my desk! You'll notice that I have Cthulhu dressed as Santa Claus there! I also have a print of the Virgin Mary gazing out, but I can explain that! See, at first I wasn't sure who she was, but I knew she looked like Cate Blanchett and I had to buy the print because Cate Blanchett is really hot!

Oh, c'mon…I know she's too damn skinny, but all women agree that Cate Blanchett is hot, right? Especially when she looks like the Virgin Mary?

Okay, okay. How's about this?

It's my walk-in closet. Walk-in closets are pretty cool, right

No? They're de rigeur these days?

Oh, well, might as well close up with this, then:

Yup. That's me acting like a dork in front of my large, bathroom mirror. There're a toilet and a bathtub/shower in there as well, but I figure that's "de rigeur" as well.

Anyway, and in short: I'm fine. I love my new place. I spent too much money buying furniture, but Friday's payday and all will be fine then!

Hope all of you are doing well, in turn. I'll try to post more, now that I'm done putting furniture together!

Wow, this really sums stuff up

It Only Tuesday | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

"Not only do Americans have most of Tuesday morning to contend with, but all of Tuesday afternoon and then Tuesday night," National Labor Relations Board spokesman David Prynn said. "If our calculations are correct, there is a chance we are in effect closer to last weekend than the one coming up."

Added Prynn: "Fuck."

Seriously, if it was any worse, today would be Monday.

Again.