So...yeah.

I should probably address my last post and be done with it. I had a particularly bad night (the very large printer did fall on my head, and I lost my headphones while walking up on that wall, and I had to do employee reviews before an all day meeting the next day, and I was kind of drunk) and, instead of shutting up and dealing with it, I started writing to blow the cobwebs out of my head, succeeded, then in a fit of foolishness, actually clicked the "Publish Post" button.

So, let me clarify a few points.

• My drinking is actually not that bad, it just feels worse to me. Granted, I'm not a good drunk; I'm clumsy, obnoxious and feel a horrible sense of guilt almost every time I drink enough to actually get drunk. However, I don't actually drink all that often—two or three times a week at most, less than that in any given week—and I'm drunk even less frequently. Also, I never drive when I've been drinking, am not prone to "drunk calling," and have not ever so much as missed a day of work due to having a hangover. In all honesty, my drinking has been much worse in the past, when I couldn't even make any of the prior claims and wasn't even aware that I had a problem. Still, the truth is that my drinking bothers me, so I've backed off on it. No more drinking alone, even the occasional beer. No more drinking while brooding because, lord knows, it only depresses me further.

• Everything I said about my job is pretty much true, but it's paying my bills and is tolerable on any given day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not terribly good at it, but it's not a torture chamber. It'll do until I can get out of here.

• I really am pretty lonely. I'm used to it, though, and can tolerate it. I'm not in imminent danger of "lying in a hot bath and bleeding to death", either. If I was facing this kind of existence for decades upon decades, as sometimes, late at night, listening to my neighbors shout at one another, I fear will be the case, then I'd seriously consider it. But I make it through those nights and, trite as it sounds, each day always brings a new, clearer light and my night terrors fade enough to let me be.

So, that's that. I'm fine.

I am still planning on moving to Florida, provided that I haven't freaked my brother out with my last post. The timing on it is the question, at this point. I'm going to start looking into finding a sub-leasor, but I still might have to wait until September, as my DSL contract doesn't end until then and, from what I've heard, they charge an arm and a leg to break the contract early. Since I'm fond of my arms and legs, and don't have a lot of extra cash floating around, my best interest may be served by being patient and waiting this out.

So...there it is. One post, it seems like I'm about to chuck it all, pack up a rucksack and hitchhike to Florida in the middle of the night. The next, I'm back to reasonable and thinking it through. Do I contradict myself? Well, then, I contradict myself.

I'm only human, after all.