I'm really pissed off

I am a relatively simple person. There's not much that I want. I've managed to go two years without a girlfriend...hell, without touching a woman at all. I've quit drinking when I've been too poor to afford it. I've done without a car. I don't hate anybody. I'm always polite.

Well, fuck all that. World, I'm really angry at you. The one pleasure that I absolutely love, which is smoking, is socially unacceptable, shortens my life, makes it highly likely that I'll die a humiliating & public death of suffocation and makes the marketing geniuses who put this ritualistic deathdrug into the public's hands so obscenely wealthy that they can afford to simply hire actors to play the part of everybody in their lives...actors who act like they have no morals or scruples or ethics at all and believe that getting rich off the marketing of cancer and emphysema and a bajillion other toxic forms of slow death is no different than going to work and doing anything else in an office.

Well, I haven't had a cigarette in days, now. And I know where I am in terms of the addiction curve: I'm at that point where I try to kid myself into thinking that I can be a casual smoker, having one here and there and not falling back into the addiction. And I smoke a cigarette and, as I'm doing it, I realize that I love it: I love it more than sex or drugs or reading or music or love or even life itself, and I get angry that I can't smoke without becoming a smoker again. And I'm faced with a choice: be a happy, relatively well-adjusted sheep of a smoker, or become an angry, non-smoking bastard who realizes that his one pleasure in life has forever been stripped away, never to return.

In the past, I've always decided that being a happy sheep was the best course.

Well, look the fuck out, world, because I am now one tense and angry goat who's got not much to look forward to and a lot more time to live with his disappointment.

I'm gonna get healthy...& you're all gonna regret it.